It can be difficult to accept support from others, often due to personal expectations, fear of judgment, or negative experiences with feedback.
Factors like learning challenges, executive function struggles, or anxiety about performance can make individuals feel defensive or fearful that they’re being judged for not trying hard enough.
These responses may stem from a sense of vulnerability or past criticism, making them hesitant to welcome outside help, even when it’s needed most.
In such situations, a “soft landing” approach can provide an invaluable buffer.
A soft landing involves creating a supportive environment that allows individuals to receive help without feeling defensive or ashamed. This approach fosters psychological safety, ensuring that people feel respected and valued rather than criticized.
For instance, positive coaching that focuses on strengths rather than weaknesses allows individuals to recognize their abilities and, gradually, to seek or accept support as a natural part of their growth and success.
Soft landings emphasize structured, constructive feedback and flexibility to help individuals feel empowered and more open to others’ guidance. In this setting, rather than feeling pressured to change instantly, a person is given space to adjust at their own pace, allowing support to be integrated positively into their lives.
When there is lots of background information about the past, a person can feel as if “There is no choice”. This helps the person feel emotionally (and maybe physically) safer, even though to an outsider they may be cutting themselves off from the pathways to their deepest desire.
We don’t have all of the information. Offering solutions (“You don’t have to be a victim”; “Try harder!”) can stir up feelings of judgment even though we intend to be offering solutions 💗
Be an ally.
Read more about how to create soft landings in my book The Effort Myth
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