Parents often tell me that their “empty nest” is still full—full of text messages and ongoing requests for guidance as their adult children settle into the workplace. It’s natural for parents to want to step in when their child faces difficulties at work, but these early struggles—though uncomfortable—are essential for building crucial life skills like conflict resolution, self-awareness, and resilience.
Offering space for your child to take risks and make mistakes while figuring out these challenges will help them grow into the confident, independent adult they need–and you want them–to become. Here are three rules for them to follow so you can step back and allow your adult child to navigate work challenges on their own.
The Three Rules for Adulting
Transitioning to a first full-time job is an exciting time of newfound independence for young adults, but it can also feel overwhelming as they learn to manage the complexities of professional life. The Three Rules for Adulting™, Assign Time and Kind, Seek Feedback, and Make Adjustments, offer a structured yet flexible approach to navigating these challenges successfully.
Rule #1. Assign Time and Kind
In high school and college, students relied on teacher-provided assignments with clear deadlines. In the workplace, this shifts as they now need to take ownership of their time and work. This first rule encourages young adults to assign their own work—planning ahead, breaking tasks into manageable steps, and using time intentionally. By learning to prioritize tasks based on their importance and deadlines, they can avoid the stress of last-minute efforts and improve their productivity and enjoyment of work.
For parents, encouraging your child to schedule their own tasks and set realistic goals helps them develop time awareness and management skills, essential assets in the workplace. Help them see the value in planning their workday, not just reacting to what’s immediately in front of them. This will make their workday feel more manageable and help them meet deadlines consistently, and even have time for fun.
Ask: How are you currently managing your time and prioritizing? What could help this system be even better?
Rule #2. Seek Feedback
Feedback in school typically came from following assignment rubrics and receiving grades. Comments from instructors added to student evaluation. There may have been a safety net of adjustments for learning, attention, or executive function challenges. In a job, feedback comes from a variety of sources—supervisors, colleagues, and even clients. At work, your adult child may choose not to disclose their disability and therefore work without accommodations. Rule #2 teaches young adults to actively seek feedback, not just wait for formal reviews, and to reflect on what they can learn and do differently, based on everyday interactions and outcomes.
You may want to protect your child from disappointing or confusing criticism. Instead of blaming the boss or a co-worker, encourage your child to view feedback as a tool for growth, regardless of how it may be delivered. Remind them that feedback isn’t just about finding flaws—it’s about understanding what’s working well and how they can continue to improve in ways they can choose and change to meet their own needs as well as those of the workplace. Can they consistently seek out feedback and adjusting based on what they learn? That’s how they will eventually become more competent and confident in their roles
Ask: What can you learn from this feedback? What went well that you would do in the same way? What would you do differently?
Rule #3. Make Adjustments
The final rule emphasizes the importance of adapting based on feedback. Help your adult child think of small shifts as experiments rather than fixes. Whether it’s changing how they approach a task or adjusting how they communicate with their team or leader, the ability to make small, continuous adjustments can help them thrive. This is especially crucial in a fast-paced and ever-evolving work environment.
Encourage flexibility and openness to change while also maintaining reasonable boundaries. Remind them that all learning is iterative and involves mistakes; quickly learning from errors is key to success in any endeavor, not only their career. If they struggle to adapt to feedback, coach (but don’t cheerlead) them to use their strengths, manage barrier thoughts, and put clear steps in place by returning to Rule #1: Assign Time and Kind.
Ask: How can your strengths be leveraged in your current challenge?
Give the Gifts of Self-Direction and Success
The Three Rules for Adulting help drive self-direction and long-term success. By mastering these rules, young adults can begin to confidently navigate their first jobs, handle the challenges that come their way, and continue to grow both personally and professionally. They can create a cycle of continuous improvement: assign tasks, seek feedback, make adjustments, and repeat. With each iteration, your adult child becomes more capable, confident, and successful in their new role. This sets the stage for a fulfilling career, regardless of whether they stay in their present role or company. Champion this mindset of preparation, openness, and adaptability in your adult child.
What will you do today to help your adult child incorporate
the Three Rules for Adulting™ into their own life?
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