In coaching the goal is often to help people like you to achieve their potential, navigate challenges, or find fulfillment. These outcomes are closely tied to how you think about yourself and your circumstances.
The Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius wrote in his Meditations, “Our life is what our thoughts make it.” In other words, the lens through which we view the world shapes our experiences and outcomes. This timeless insight is mirrored in modern psychology, particularly in the practice of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The premise of CBT is that thoughts, emotions, and behaviors are interconnected. By identifying and challenging distorted thinking patterns, individuals can alter their emotional responses and behaviors, leading to more positive outcome.
Do Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, developed by Dr. Aaron Beck in the 1960s as a structured, time-limited approach to psychotherapy, focuses on changing maladaptive thinking patterns. Beck found that people who were depressed or anxious often held distorted, overly negative views of themselves and the world. These thoughts triggered negative emotions, which in turn led to behaviors that reinforced the original distorted thoughts. The core practice of CBT uses three steps to break this cycle by
1) identifying and
2) challenging irrational or unhelpful thoughts and
3) replacing them with more balanced, realistic perspectives.
CBT: Baked Into Coaching
This approach is embedded in coaching. Many clients come to coaching with goals but are held back by limiting beliefs, self-doubt, or negative self-talk. For example, a client may believe, “I’ll never be successful in my career/school/parenting.” In this case, the thought (“I’ll never be successful”) directly shapes the client’s experience of their career/school/parenting and how they approach opportunities. If they believe success is impossible, they may not take the steps needed to achieve it, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. A coach trained in CBT techniques (like me in 2007 at UPenn) might ask the client to mindfully examine the evidence for and against their negative belief: “What evidence do you have that you will never be successful? Can you think of any past experiences where you achieved something important?”
You Have Agency
This is harder for many people than it sounds! However, by encouraging this kind of mindful self-reflection, a client can begin to see that their thought is not really an objective truth but rather a subjective interpretation. Most importantly, they learn they have agency: The power to revise thoughts and change their actions.
While we cannot always change external circumstances, we CAN change how we think about them—and by doing so, we change our experience and our pathways forward.
How can you use the “Change a Thought, Change an Action” rule in your life? Find out more!
